Winter’s Arrival

In Winter

the mourning mother.

When grey skies swaddle us and chill air embraces the land

a young woman descends into the arms of the dark man

her lover, because she was promised to him,

her lover – because she chose him.

thinking of him, imagining his nearness, fear strangles breath

Because He knows the outskirts of life, the intricacies of pain and surrender

complete and infinite in his understanding, his mastery of the darkness.

His only desire  comes to him delicate,

the most fragrant lily trembling in his presence

Salvation

And with every gift, a sacrifice:

The goddess-mother mourning her loss

my tender heart journeying to places beyond my protection, beyond

my reach,

and I, a blackened flower fallen into winter’s repose.

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November sky

Gray above and all around us

heavy and soft like the down of a duvet

the entrance to the great hall of the dead, a kind of comfort

November sky

like Arawn the grey man

so full of inviting sleep.

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The Long Walk Home – Samhain 2010

Wind blew through bare branches as we made our way home from the dinner party.  Our bellies full of rich food and drink, we walked through fallen, drying leaves kicking up their pungent smell around us.  The road was of packed dirt and had a whitish glow in the moonlight.  Five girls in costume, we’d been to a halloween party and were walking to Cassie’s house, were we planned to spend the night.
“I thought the mummy costume was fantastic,” Mona said, wobbling in her high-heeled boots.  “Yeah, and the werewolf was incredible,” Cassie said.  “Who was that, anyway?”  Noone knew.  “He was tall.  I didn’t recognize him,” she added.

We rounded a bend in the road and just caught sight of a large dog as it bounded into the bushes along the road, it’s bushy tail a tawny silver color.  We gazed ahead, and a cold wind blew against our faces.  The sounds of our boots on the road seemed amplified.   Trees swayed, creaking.

“Wow,” said Robin.  “It’s creepy here.”

It was creepy.

“Halloween night, girls!” shrieked Kate, letting out her best mad scientist laugh and spinning around in the moonlight, her arms held up in the air above her head.  We all laughed half-heartedly.   The woods surrounded us and stretched on ahead into blackness.  Kate seemed to be the only one us that wasn’t scared.

Just then, there was howling, first from the spot in the road the dog had been, and then a chorus of yips and bays joined the first howl, seeming to surround us.
We stopped in the road, spooked. And as suddenly as it started, the howling stopped.
We gazed at each other in stunned silence. Kate was the first to speak. “That was crazy,” she said, trying to sound cavalier. But her voice was unsteady.  None of us answered her.  But at the sound of her voice, a figure stepped from the side of the road. He seemed to come from nowhere.
“Kate. It’s been a long time,” he said, smiling and gazing across the road at her. She froze, and then slowly, her head shaking no, began to back away from the stranger. He advanced, holding out a hand to her. “Darling don’t you recognize me?”  he asked with a quizzical grin.  His voice had an echo, but his tone and manner were warm, solicitous.

“No,” was all Kate said, continuing to back toward the other side of the road.

“Kate, who is it?” I asked.  The stranger kept coming, moving toward us with his hand out toward Kate.

“No!” she screamed this time.  “It’s not possible ….”  she whimpered.

“Kate,” I asked again – “Kate for the love of God who is he?”  I demanded, the pitch of my voice rising.  The other girls all stood stock still, mesmerized by the scene unfolding in front of them.

“You can’t be here…” she whimpered, reaching the side of the road now, her boots sinking into a bed of leaves, twigs cracking under her weight.

“Darling, I know it’s been a long time, but it’s really me – I’ve come back for you,”  he advanced quickly toward her now, circling her waist with his arm and stepping forward into the trees and bushes that stood behind her.  “I’m taking you home,” we heard him say, as they disappeared into the woods, Kate in his arms.

We stood staring after them.  Moonlight shone on bare trunks and limbs, the forest floor a carpet of leaves shining in the moonlight.  We could see clearly by moonlight into the woods, past low brush and fallen trees.  We could see clearly that Kate was gone.

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The Sweet Taste of Wine

The nights were short when we made love

a stream of beautiful thrusts and desperate parries, long deep kisses that left urgent burns on my lips  and so hungry

always wanting more of those endless moments when your skin was all there was

I could have taken you into me forever, never the urge for anything else.  Not the end of my master’s degree, not my friends, not anything else you were so filling …

like a perfect sky of shape-shifting clouds.   Like steak.   Like the smoothest red wine washing my lips, staining my tongue, sliding down my throat.

Like every beautiful thing, we passed like cut flowers, and I thought about hating you

like some people hate tequila

For whole weekends of lovemaking,  heady orgasms on the floor of your boat, nights filled with the smell of sex and aching muscles.

What else could I ever want?  And why take it away from me?

When you were gone a universe of people crowded around and I saw and felt them –

Others in love but never the freedom, never the cool, free bliss of making love under the trees for hours

never the same salty blow jobs, never the same frenzy of devouring you and endless earth shaking release

never the same claiming of each other.  no, not like that.

I thought about hating you for making it impossible

to marry for money, for prestige, for anything other than something real.  Something real …

But reality is so elusive.

Wine feels so good on your tongue, so full in your throat and then it’s gone and you’re hung over.

Is there anything you can do for me?

Is there any wine left or did we drink it all?

Probably we drank it all- I hope we did.

It’s hard to imagine I left anything in my glass.

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ripe

ovulation time, when eggs swim everywhere, blinding me with desperate need

a week of wandering through my days  in a half-drugged state of maddening arousal

men transform into perfectly cooked steaks – especially the seasoned ones who’ve weathered fatherhood

hungry time.  ripe time.  vulnerable time.

a good time to stay home but every cell in my body strains to get out, get laid.

soon this will pass, just like midsummer passes, and I will be in control again

but for this week, the goddess dreams.

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rage

Rage awakens from a cool dream,
Roused by a polite request
To hide her nakedness

Please …
Do not offend with your being-ness
Cover yourself

Awakened now,
there must be appeasement
a price for stolen sleep, disturbed dreams

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Les Amis

Twenty years move like water
rushing along momentum building until somehow diverted
into a swirling eddy we circle
and
return to the crush, our friends faces there for a moment
frozen in a a smile, and gone

I learned to reach out and take hold of what I could reach
twig jutting out over the water promisingly
held in friendship or mutual need

Some people stay a while
resting in the curve of my heart there is knowing
Or

like stars in the night sky, light a way ahead,
then wander off to seek treasure in different waters

We gaze together into the the annihilation that promises us
that where the world ends we find desire
waiting to hold us

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An Occult Master Lives in my son’s bedroom.

At bedtime we visit the crabs.

There are two — Climber, a sandy brown color with big claws,  so named because he likes to climb.  And pincher, reddish brown so named … well, you get the idea.

To continue:  the other night (a hot Monday with plenty of moonlight) we went to peer into the well-lit, coconut-hair strewn abode of our little friends.

The usually docile domestic scene was a confusion.

Their spot next to the heater, where they usually nestle next to eachother –

we empty.  The little cleared spots still there, still warm with crabby body heat, I imagined.

My heart leapt, my eyes began to rove

Over rocks, water dish, shells, miniature plaster skull and bones, coming to rest

on a limp, lifeless red claw laying in a confused heap of red next to pincher’s jewel-enrusted crab-sized mobile home.  Oh, no.

Tristan, you’ve killed him!  I moan.

Tristan gazes in.  “No.  He’s shed his skin, mom.”

What??  Do crabs do that?  They have skin?

Yes, it turns out they do.  Pincher is his usual intrepid, slightly ornery self, after a day of rest and recuperation from what must have been a lot of work and, I imagine, he feels better now.

The other day I pulled the Death card in a reading and realized that Pincher had demonstrated precisely that.  The complete shedding of all there is, preserving only the essential.

The king is dead.  Long live the king.

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Grail

If you carry a blade

Nothing can be more alluring than

         the Grail

Brimming with sweetness, intoxicating fluid in a sparkling vessel – keeper of release, rest, sweet love

A Treasure sought by those who wish to have it hoard it keep it 

But it remains and will remain

Hidden from those who do not understand it

yielding it’s secrets delicious only to those who understand and love it.

The cup of life is kept by those who gaurd the light

Priceless, it cannot be bought.  Ephemeral, it cannot be captured and held.  Invisible to those who are blind it is protected, lasting,

                sacred.

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Oil

Drilling into the body of the mother
Always searching for their energy
The energy that fuels economies
moves our planet
We are made dependent
enslaved by greed that brutally
Murdered
competing technologies They Drill
and Drill into the Earth
Like Rapists
And we
watch
Standing idle
because we must?

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